PONGA PANDIT

Do you believe in destiny?...................I Do............
Do you think in miracles?....................I Do............
Do you think in Extraordinary Powers?........................Crap.....................
Will you go to a fortune teller to seek ur future?.............................SUPER CRAP........................

Lol okie before writing , People by no means this post is ment to hurt anyone who believes in future,destiny blah what not!! This is ment for sheer fun so enter on your own consent!

Enough with the blabbering lemme start!
Gone are the Days, when pandits and pujaris would sit in a huddle and do a "Yagya" (Prayers)
"JAI KAALI KALCATTE WALI TERA VACHAN NA JAYE KHALI"
"Om Brahmadev Prasaan ho Proceed Proceed Bhramadev"

Okie first of all as i am a non believer of god and ardent follower of Satan, I dont believe in such Cock and bull stories!

Nowadays its a good business you see it aint too difficult to seek someone's fortune!

HOW TO BE A FORTUNE TELLER:-

Wrap yourself with a Dhoti with the enchantments of RAM all over it!
Later find a appropriate place on Road afterall these days its very difficult to find a plot or land!
Place a mat on the chosen area.
Shit on it and YES dont forget to catch a parrot (speaking One preffered those mitthu typos, and should specialize in German, English and French lingo's)
Get some random cards with number's written on it!! And train the parrot to fetch cards acc. to the signal given by the pandit!!

SCENE ( A couple comes to the pandit for seeking their fortunes )

"BAM Bhole Har Har bhole! Doodo naho kudo falo (Smthng like that, Bath with Milk and Jump like you have been handed over a trampoline)

"panditji, we have got so much trouble in our lives! My life is like Hell with capital H , We are just surviving living bit by bit!!"

"Dont worry son! You came to the right person( Crap ) All your tensions will be gone"
"Please help me!!PLEASE! P-L-E-A-S-E !"

"what is the major problem son?"

"Panditji I have got this person is my life who is terrorizing me! I have been in hibernation for so long and i dunno what the outer world is like anymore"

"What is the name of ur foe child"

"I know his initials. Its G.W.B "

"Hmmmmm............ I WILL CUT THE CRAP OUT OF G.W.B ! I WILL CHANT MY HOLY CRAP TO ENTANGLE UR FOE IN DISTRESS AND DARKNESS"

"That is the problem Panditji" " He eats other's happiness and lives upon it"
"Cant you do anything??"

"HAR HAR BHOLE"

"What is the other problem then?"

"Panditji as i am living in a stinky cave full of mosquitoes, I am sick of those SUCKERS, who are feasting on my Blood though it was previously me who used to do that but now everything has turned against me!"

"Add to it, I cannot go outside cuz there are so many satellite trackers upon my ass to shoot me out!"

"I AM TIRED" " THE WHOLE WORLD IS AGAINST ME"

"SON IN ANXIETY I 4GOT TO ASK UR NAME" "Who are you"

"Panditji i will introduce myself to you"

"I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHTS!"
"I AM THE PLANE HIJACKER WHO SABOTAGES ILLEGAL CONSTRUCTIONS "

THAT USED TO BE MY OLD LINES

MY PRESENT INTRODUCTION IS

"I AM THE MICE WHO IS DYING FOR SPICE"
"I AM THE HIDDEN WONDER TO WHOM ONLY WONDER'S CAN HAPPEN"

I AM OSAMA BIN LADEN!

and my foe G.W.B was George W BUSH! *sob* *sob*

OKIE ENUF OF THAT NOW I WILL COME TO THE REAL THING
IT HAPPENED IN ME WHEN I WAS IN 10TH
MY PARENTS WENT TO A FUTURE SEEKER TO ASK AS TO HOW WILL I DO IN MY BOARDS

HE SAID THAT I WILL MISERABLY FAIL AND WILL BE PATHETIC!
THEY WERE ALL DEPRESSED AND ALL THAT TIME THEY WERE UPON ME THAT U ARE A BURDEN BLAH!
THE DAY MY RESULT CAME, I WAS LIKE OOOOOOOOOH SEE WAT I'VE GOT
88 % AND WILL U GO BACK TO HIM AND SPANK HIM?
MY PARENTS CALLED HIM ONLY TO KNOW THAT HE DIED THE SAME DAY , WHEN I GOT MY RESULT

Y-E-S! liars to be prosecuted!

AND DAY BE4 YESTERDAY ! HELL MY PARENTS WENT TO ANOTHER FORTUNE TELLER TO ASK MY BRO'S FUTURE
SO IN ANXIETY THEY ASKED MINE

AND HE SAID

"HE WILL DO LOADS OF GR8 WORK HE WILL STUDY AND WILL ACHIEVE HIGH"

AND TILL THE DATE MY PARENTS ARE ON MY HEAD AND SAYING SON , STUDY STUDY"

AND I TELL THEM " I WILL NO ISSUES, JUST THAT I AM WAITING FOR WHEN THIS PANDIT DIES!"

C-R-A-P-P-O-D-A

"Do you have similar incidents?"