ITCHY

An itch to be scratched -
A lust unmatched -
An empty bed -"
Let's go!" she said.
And on the summer's afternoon
we loved until we saw the moon.
Exhausted, laying there exposed
upon my belly, I proposed
she scratch my back to top it off -
and soon she did, so soft, so soft.
Nails as sharp as 'Wiltshires' creep
like slugs upon a compost heap
across my sweaty skin until
I feel an itch she can't quite kill.
"Just up a bit." She hears me say.
"Down a bit...the other way.
Up a tad. You've gone askew.
Slide across a touch or two.
A little harder. Damn it! Swat it!
Keep going, yes, you've almost got it.
Listen woman, can't you tell.
You're nowhere near it. Bloody Hell!”
I fling my body in the air
and land atop the carpet bare
Grinding hard upon my back
searching for a pointy tac
to give me what I really need -a decent scratch that makes me bleed
Bewildered, she is staring down,
as losing it, I go to town.
Raising up my back, I arch it,
slamming hard down on the carpet.
My body parts are flicking, hectic,
like I'm turning epileptic.
A book! A knife! A nice high heel!
Give me something I can feel
But suddenly, like when it reared,
my itch just vanished...disappeared.
I rose, so pleased, my love to tell
and found that she was gone as well.
The door was slammed, the lock was latched.
Our race was run...and I was scratched!

THE SECRET OF MONA LISA

OK THIS IS WHAT I FOUND OUT DUNNO IT IS TRUE OR JUST A BLUFF !! WELL THOUGHT TO SHARE IT WTH U PEOPLE!!

MONA LISA PAINTED BY DA VINCI MAYBE A FINEST PIECE OF ARTISTIC EXCELLENCE
BUT IN REALITY IT IS A DOCUMENTED JOKE
WHAT IS HIDDEN IN THE DEPTHS OF THE PAINTING
DA VINCI SCREWED UP THE PAINTING
HE MADE THE POTRAIT LOOK BIGGER FROM THE LEFT SIDE ! AND HISTORICALLY LEFT DIPICTED - female AND RIGHT IS - MALE .... NOW DA VINCI WAS A BIG FEMININE FAN

DA VINCI WAS A HOMOSEXUAL, HE BELIEVED IN BALANCE BTW MALE AND FEMALE

IT WAS LIKE CHICS WITH DICKS

AMON WAS THE GOD OF MASCULINE FERTILITY! OR IN OTHER WORDS "horny" AND THE COUNTERPART WAS ISIS WHO WAS FEMININE GODESESS OF FERTILITY! SHE WAS ONCE CALLED "LISA"

AMON L'ISA

RATHER JUMBLE IT UP AS MONA LISA AND THAT IS THE REASON OF HER SECRET SMILE

MONA LISA SHIT!!!!

--------> SOURCE-------->DA VINCI CODE by dan brown

THIS MIGHT INTEREST U OR NOT BUT I FELT LIKE SHARING IT!!

Tight Skirt

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Indian who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Indian smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my PANT ZIP! three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

GONE ALREADY

Somewhat hesitant in the loving

and too damn eager to slam out

walk jauntily into the blue sky of anonymity

beyond the incessant lullabies of pounding feet

no pattering that but

hard crashing of clogs barreling down narrow wooden hallways

screams of orgasmic delight next door

smells of the fetid meat market too long lingering and shifting

shadows

perched on a couch checkered with ejaculatory emissions and pizza smoking

your gray eyes already traveling I 80 in escape

ANOTHER POEM BY SIMISCA,MANCHALI

There are things that i want to say
i can never get MYSELF READY
THESE WORDS MEAN A LOT TO ME
BUT THE THING IS, ONLY ME
THEY MIGHT NOT MEAN NYTHING
TO SOME ONE ELSE
IM TOO AFRAID TO TALK,
ABOUT THE FEELINGS WHICH I HAVE,
COVERED LONG SINCE.
THEY ARE BURIED DEEP INSIDE,
AND THEY MUST BE ALL DUSTY.
IT HAS BEEN YEARS.
I WANT THEM TO COME OUT,
BUT I DONT EVEN KNOW HOS STRONGLY I FEEL.
IF ITS RIGHT OR RONG.
I MUST SAY THEM SUM DAY
OR ELSE SOME PPL MIGHT NEVA KNW
WHAT I FELT AND WEN I FELT
THERE ARE FEELING OF LOVE, BETRAYAL, LOSS, FRDSHIP, INFATUATION
I HAVE EXPERIENCED IT ALL
ITS NT THT IM DYING
BUT I NEED TO SAY THOSE THINGS BEFORE MY LIFE ENDS
END IS WHAT I FEAR
THOSE FEELINGS MIGHT ALSO END
IF GIVEN THE PROPER VENT.
SOME OF THM ARE SORROFULL, OTHERS ARE HAPPY
BUT I DONT WANT THM TO GO
THEY ARE DA ONLY REMAINS I HV
OF MY PRECIOUS CHILDHOOD
THE GLOOMY RUINS ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL AND CHERISHED
ITS A MEMORY I ALWAYS WANT TO HV
I HV LEFT PPL BEHIND
BUT THE MEMORIES ARE STILL WID ME
I WISH I COULD TALK ABT MAH FEELINGS
AND END THE MISUNDERSTANDINGS
OR CLEAR THE ERRORS I DID
OR GET MY SWEETHEART BACK

-----------------SIMISCA,MANCHALI

I AM A SINNER

THIS IS A POEM BY MY FRIEND ON IT ----->MANCHALI , SIMISCA SO ALL COMENTS ARE FOR HER SHE NEVER TOLD SHE HAD A HIDDEN TALENT BUT SHE ROCKZZZZ


I WENT TO THE DOOR OF THE ROOM,IT WAS BROWN AND GLOOMY.
MY FACE WAS NOT BLOOMING BUT THE FLOWERS WERE NEVERTHELESS .
I KNOCKED AND PAUSED,
BUT NO ANGER IT CAUSED.
I WAS AS CALM AS CALM COULD BE,
I KNEW THIS FIGURE STANDING NEAR THE DOOR COULD NOT BE ME.
SUDDENLY TWO PEOPLE CAME OUT, THEY HAD HALO,
NOW MY HEART FELT SHALLOW.
I WAS TAKEN INSIDE AS F I WAS AN OFFENDER,
I WAS GIVEN TO A HOLY MESSE
I WAS GIVEN TO A HOLY MESSENGER.
HE ASKED ME"WHAT WRONG YOU HAD DONE?"
I ANSWERED BLANKY SAYING "NONE".
HE REPATED AND SO DID I,
HE THOUGHT I WAS TELLING A LIE.
BUT I WAS NOT,
MY TRUTH WAS CLEAR TO ME LIKE A GUN SHOT
hE TOOK OUT A BOOK,
AND GAVE ME A SHARP LOOK.
I TOOK THE BOOK FROM HIM AND BEAGN READING,
AND MY HEART BEAT WAS SPEEDING.
ALL THE ACCOUNT WAS IN THERE,
SINS WERE WRITTEN ON THE PAGE, EVRYWHERE.
OH MY GOOD LORD, I SCREAMED,
AND WOKE UP FROM MY DREAM.

----------------------------------------------------->by MAnchali,simIsca

WHERE CAN IT BE?

Pleasing tonight with Vegas lights aglow

candles lit for pleasures untold

and wine uncorked

breathing the night air

slipping into reverie

rocking alone and thoughts tossing

as a boat in storm riddled seas

catching the waves and riding them out

wind whistling

haunting melodies

Love...listen to songs of the midnight

hear the singing be one with me

as together we listen and wonder and long

for anything that can BE something MUST matter

something CAN make a difference

if only the wind would blow and sing in the trees

and the melody would just be

for you and me...

strain so hard to hear

perspiration wets the brow

for that one....sweetness

that some...thing special

where?

where?

despair can make the head hang so low

touching the earth and bending down

a sapling willow

whisps can satisfy only temporary longings

hefty must the REAL fullfullment be

for the lasting

for you and for me

yearning for eternity.........!

MAY IT BE

I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS THE BEST

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home
Mornie utúlie (darknesss has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie (darknesss has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
May it be the shadows call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun
Mornie utúlie (darknesss has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie (darknesss has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now!!!!!!!!

SHE DIED QUIXOTIC

SHE DIED QUIXOTIC
She wanted only the brightness of chandeliers to welcome her home
Not the thick dark molasses shadows that greeted and held her fast
Caught up in sticky claws reminding

no one is here for you
you are alone

Struggling seemed too difficult
Better to lie still under a thick blanket of longing and loss
Morose with the weight of doom swathing a black path across her dying heart
Give in and let flames consume her shriveled soul
She would never know the mystique of her demise
Would be nothing more than a sad glance in the morning paper
"Ahh perhaps she had a terminal illness" some would say,
Explaining her early departure from this kink they liked to call life,
As they read the obits, and tossed down black coffee, kissed the wives
Sped down highways to upper class offices,
Had affairs with the deciduous secretary of choice on long lunches,
Came home late to supper to spend 15 minutes bonding with the 2.5 kids
They had planted deep in the belly of the high school homecoming sweetheart
Who exonerated her husband at her monthly woman's club meetings with all the members approval
Because: He provides so well and actually who needs all that sex anyhow...really it just frees one up!

She would never know that her dreams were just on the edge of a neon horizon
Preparing for birth

A POEM FOR NAINA WHO LIVES HAPPILY WTH HER CHUBBY HUBBY!

I DREAM ABOUT DARKNESS , I AM BLESSED WITH SUNSHINE!

SEASON ON EARTH COME AND THEY PART!

HAPPINESS ARRIVES AND SADNESS DEPART!

TIMES I THOUGHT I LOST THE BATTLE OF LIFE,

I HAD NO HOPE , WILL ! NOTHING FOR ME TO SUFFICE

BUT I STILL DREAM ABOUT THE HOLY WATER THAT BLESSES THE PHASE OF EARTH!

JUST LIKE A FEW DROPS THAT PRECIPITATE AND QUENCHES THE THIRST OF DESERT

LIFE IS FULL OF TEARS, PAIN AND THORNS!

BUT U MADE ME LEARN THE MEANING OF HAPPINESS AND JOY MAKES THE DAY DAWN!

GOD HELP THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES

BUT YOU HELPED ME MOST OF THE TIMES TO BE APPARENTLY MYSELF!

I WAS DYING BEFORE AND TO THIS DAY I CAN DIE IN PEACE

JUST ONE WISH FOR U TO DWELL A SWEET SMILE

WHAT SEEMED TO BE ETERNITY WAS A MINUTE GONE IN A WHILE

YOU BLOSSOM WITH THE PERFUME OF LOVE,AFFECTION AND CARE

THE AROMA AROUND YOU IS FILLED WITH HEAVENLY ANGELIC GLARE

THE LINT THAT MADE FIRE BURNT WITH BILLIONS OF FLARE

LOVE MAKES THING POSSIBLE WITH ITS ULTIMATE SHARE

THE SHARE , THAT IS SHARED BY ME AND YOU!

I QUESTION MYSELF WHY ARE YOU SO SWEET

JUST YOU SHOWER LOVE AND AFFECTION AND SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET!

THERE WERE NO MEANS I WOULD WRITE A POEM

IF IT WASNT FOR YOU WHO MADE ME SCRATCH MY BOTTOM

THE BOTTOM REFERS TO THE BOTTOM OF HEART

AS LITTLE FLOWERS, WHICH ALL THE FROSTY NIGHTHUNG PINCHED AND DROOPING,
LIFT THEIR STALKS AND FANTHEIR BLOSSOMS OUT,

TOUCHED BY THE WARM WHITE LIGHT,

SO DID MY FAINTING POWERS; AND THEREWITH RAN SUCH GOOD,

STRONG COURAGE ROUND ABOUT MY HEAR

THAT I SPOKE BOLDLY OUT LIKE A FREE MAN:

"O BLESSED SHE THAT STOOPED TO TAKE MY PART!
O COURTEOUS THOU , TO OBEY HER TRUE-DICERNING SPEECH,
AND THUS PROMPTLY TO MY RESCUE START!"

AS FLOWERS BENT AND SHRUNKEN BY NIGHT AT DAWN

UNFOLD AND STRAIGHTEN ON THEIR STEMS, TO WAKE

BRIGHTENED BY SUNLIGHT , SO I GREW STRONG AGAIN --

GOOD COURAGE COURSING THROUGH MY HEART , I SPOKE

LIKE ONE SET FREE : "how full of true compassion"

WAS SHE WHO HELPED ME, HOW COURTEOUS AND QUICK

WERE YOU TO FOLLOW HER BIFFIN -- AND YOUR NARRATION

HAS RESTORED MY SPIRIT..."

BODY SWITCH!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen." God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love that he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

A RAUNCHY NAUGHTY POEM

She whispered "will it hurt me?" "Of course not" answered he "It's a very simple process, You can rely on me."
She said "I'm very frightened, I've not had this before. My friend has had it five times And said it can be sore."
It was growing rather painful Tears formed in her eyes It was hurting quite a bit now It must have been a size.
"Calm yourself" he whispered "His face filled with a grin "Try and open wider So I can get it in."
"It's coming now" he whispered "I know" she cried in bliss Feeling it deep within her now She said "I am glad I'm having this."
And with a final effort She gave a frightened shout He gripped it in anguish And quickly pulled it out.
She lay back quite contended Sighed and gave a smile She said "I'm glad I came now You made it worth my while."
Now if you read this carefully The dentist you will find Is not what you imagined It's just your dirty mind!!

INSULTING INSULTS --->PUTS DOWN AND CRITICISM (courtesy of corsinet.com)

HAVE PATIENCE AND IF U DONT HAVE CHUNK OF IT DONT READ THIS

A demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero.
A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!
A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.
After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.
All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.
All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
Alone: In bad company.
And there he was: reigning supreme at number two.
Any friend of yours ... is a friend of yours.
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
Are you brain-dead?
Are your parents siblings?
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
As useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker. ~ Earl Pitts ~
As welcome as a rattlesnake at a square dance. ~ Robert Reinhold ~
At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people - you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!
Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.
Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
Better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner.
Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing!
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?
Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
Converse with any plankton lately?
Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
Did you eat paint chips when you were a kid?
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Did your parents have any children that lived?
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
Do you want do die stupid?
Do you want me to accept you as you are or do you want me to like you?
Doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
Don't mind him. He has a soft heart and a head to match.
Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure.
Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?
Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Fat? You're not fat, you're just ... fat.
For two cents I'd give you a piece of my mind - and all of yours.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
Go fart peas at the moon !!
Grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass.
Has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.
Has the IQ of lint.
Have you considered suing your brains for nonsupport?
He can open his mail with that nose!
He can think without moving his lips!
He comes from a long line of real estate people -- they're a vacant lot.
He does the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly.
He doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. --From "Steel Magnolias"
He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
He has a mind like a steel trap -- always closed!
He has depth, but only on the surface. Down deep inside, he is shallow.
He has more faces than Mount Rushmore.
He has one brain cell, and it is fighting for dominance.
He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory.
He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
He is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
He is so conceited his eyes behold each other perfectly.
He is so short his hair smell like feet
He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
He is so old that his blood type was discontinued. ~ Bill Dana ~
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
He named the street he owned after his wife. What a grand statement of his love for her; for she was cold, hard, cracked, and only gets plowed around the holidays.
He smells the coffee, but can't find the pot / a cup.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.
He'd steal the straw from his mother's kennel.
Hello - tall, dark and obnoxious!
Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
He's got that far away look. The farther he gets, the better he looks.
He's just visiting this planet.
He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
He's so dense that light bends around him.
He's so fat, he has the only car in town with stretch marks.
He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.
He's the first in his family born without a tail.
He's the only man who, if told to screw himself, could do it.
He's the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't marry.
Hey, act your age -- senile!
Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot.
Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.
Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
His brain waves fall a little short of the beach.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
His origins are so low, you'd have to limbo under his family tree.
His personality's split so many ways he goes alone for group therapy.
His suitcase doesn't have a handle.
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
How many years did it take you to learn how to breathe?
I always wanted to be a troubleshooter but now I see you are not worth it!
I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I bet your mother has a loud bark!
I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
I can tie a coffee bean to my butt and swim across the Columbia River and make a darker stain than that (about weak coffee.)
I can't seem to remember you name, and please don't help me!
I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in ten years?
I certainly hope you are sterile.
I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I don't know who you are, but whatever it is, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.
I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?
I don't want you to turn the other cheek. It's just as ugly.
I feel sorry for you because you are so homely but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
I hear you are an officer. Your rank is - just plain rank!
I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club cause they need someone to snub.
I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.
I hear you are very kind to animals so please give that face back to the gorilla.
I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?
I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!
I heard that your brother was an only child.
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
I reprimanded my son for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
I understand you, but thousands wouldn't!
I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
I want nothing out of you but breathing, and very little of that!
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
I wonder how many angels could dance on his head?
I worship the ground that awaits you.
I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
I would have liked to insult you, but with your intelligence you wouldn't get offended.
I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure.
I wouldn't piss in his ear if his brain was on fire!
I'd hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave!
I'd like to give you a going-away present ... but you have to do your part.
I'd like to have the spitting concession his grave.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'd like to leave you with one thought ... but I'm not sure you have a place to put it!
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. (Thanks, llaje)
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd rather pass a kidney stone than another night with you.
I'd slap you senseless ... but I can't spare three seconds!
If brains were rain, you`d be a desert.
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents!
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.
If I want any shit outta you I'll squeeze your head.
If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
If I wanted to hear from an ass, I'd fart.
If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If manure were music, you'd be a brass band.
If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.
If she was cast as Lady Godiva the horse would steal the show.
If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
If you act like an ass, don't get insulted if people ride you.
If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.
If you had another brain like the one you've got, you'd still be a half-wit.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
If you were a body of water, you'd be a kiddie pool.
If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
If your brain were chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
I'm blonde, what's your excuse?
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
In the land of the witless, the half-wit is king.
Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?
Is that your nose or are you eating a banana?
It is mind over matter. I don't mind, because you don't matter.
It is such a shame to ruin such beautiful blonde hair by dying your roots black.
You're so ugly, you had tinted windows on your incubator.
You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.
Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly too.
It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.
I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
I've hated your looks from the start they gave me.
I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it.
I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!
Judging by the old saying, "What you don't know can't hurt you," he's practically invulnerable.
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.
Let's play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.
Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.
Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper!
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
Man alive! But I wish you weren't.
Moonlight becomes you - total darkness even more!
Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?
No one will ever know that you've had a lobotomy, if you wear a wig to hide to the scars and learn to control the slobbering.
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave good-bye.
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
People clap when they see you - their hands over their eyes or ears.
People say that you are outspoken but not by anyone that I know of.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect but you are doing all right.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.
She could eat a watermelon through a picket fence!
She had a mouth dirtier than a wicker toilet seat.
She has a nice butter face. Everything looks nice, but her face.
She thinks the rearview mirror is for putting on make-up.
She was another one of his near Mrs.
She's a lot like train tracks - she's been laid across the country.
She's got a body that won't quit and a brain that won't start.
She's got more chins than the Hong Kong telephone book.
She's like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.
She's so ugly they used to put a pot roast in her lap so the dog would play with her.
She's so ugly, she'd make a freight train take a dirt road!
Sit down and give your mind a rest.
Slit your wrists - it will lower your blood pressure.
So stupid, he moves his lips when watching TV.
So ugly, robbers give him their masks to wear.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
Some folks are so dumb, they have to be watered twice a week.
Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
Some people don't hesitate to speak their minds because they have nothing to lose.
Somebody else is doing the driving for that boy!
Someday you'll go far, if you catch the right train.
Someone said you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.
Someone said you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for you and said, 'oh yes she is.'
Someone took a photo of you once but it didn't turn out. You could be seen too clearly.
Take a vacation; go to Club Dead.
Take off that mask! Don't you think it's a little early for Halloween?
Talk is cheap, but so are you.
That's a very meaty question and I'd like to give it a very meaty answer -baloney!
The closest she/he'll ever get to a brainstorm is a slight drizzle.
The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.
The going got weird and he turned pro.
The inbreeding is certainly obvious in your family.
The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?
The only thing he brought to this job was his car.
The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.
The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears.
The wheel is still spinning but the hamster died.
There are only two things I dislike about her - her face.
There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up.
They said you were a great asset. I told them they were off by two letters.
They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
They say space is a dangerous place . . . especially if it's between your ears!
They say that travel broadens one. You must have been around the world.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
They say truth is stranger than fiction. Look, your mother gave birth to you.
They shot him through the stupid forest, and he didn't miss a tree.
Thinking isn't your strong suit, is it? --from "Lost In Space"
This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.
Too bad stupidity isn't painful.
We all spring from apes but you didn't spring far enough.
We do not complain about your shortcomings but about your long stayings.
We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven."
We know that you would give your life for us. Promises, promises!
We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?
We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
Well, I'll see you in my dreams - if I eat too much.
What color is the sky in your world?
What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.
Whatever is eating you - must be suffering horribly.
What's the latest dope - besides you?
When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.
When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.
When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
When you die, you should have your brain donated to science. I hear they're trying to come up with the perfect vacuum.
When you feel terrific, notify your face.
When you fell out of the ugly tree, you hit every branch on the way down.
When you get run over by a car it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say your stupidity.
When you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much.
When you were born, God admitted that even He could make a mistake!
Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?
Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
With a mind like yours, who needs a body?
Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe.
Would you like some cheese and crackers to go with that whine?
Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
You always have your ear to the ground. So how's life in the gutter?
You are a man of the world -- and you know what sad shape the world is in.
You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.
You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.
You are down to earth but not quite far down enough.
You are living proof that manure can grow legs and walk.
You are no longer beneath my contempt.
You are not as bad as people say - you are worse!
You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.
You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.
You are so dishonest that I can't even be sure that what you tell me are lies!
You are so dumb you sit on the TV and watch the sofa.
You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jaywalking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change.
You are so stupid you got hit by a parked car
You are such a smart-ass I bet you could sit on a carton of ice cream and tell what flavor it is. (Thanks, Erin and Justin Keller)
You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
You could throw her in the river and skim ugly for two days.
You don't sweat much, for a fat girl.
You grow on people - like a wart!
You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it!
You have a good weapon against muggers - your face!
You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.
You have a speech impediment ... your foot.
You have a striking face. Tell me, how many times were you struck there?
You have an inferiority complex - and it's fully justified.
You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!
You liked your first chin so much, you added two more.
You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
You remind me of the ocean - you make me sick.
You say that you are always bright and early. Well OK, we know you are early.
You should be the poster child for birth control.
You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you'll find one.
You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
You started at the bottom - and it's been downhill ever since.
You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.
You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide.
You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.
You will never be able to live down to your reputation!
Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
Your dog is so stupid, he chases parked cars.
Your family tree is good but you are the sap.
Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
Your teeth are like stars - they come out at night.
Your verbosity is exceeded only by your stupidity.
You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.
You're acquitting yourself in a way that no jury ever would.
You're like one of those "idiot savants," except without the "savant" part.
You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can get someone to adopt you.
You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
You're so dumb you thought Taco Bell was a phone company.
You're so fat when you jumped up you got stuck.
You're so fat you got baptized at Sea World.
You're so fat you laid down in the ocean and Spain claimed you as the New World.
You're so fat you saw 90210 on a scale.
You're so fat you use hoola-hoops to keep your socks up.
You're so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ''taxi''.
You're so low you could milk a pregnant snake!
You're so old you drove a chariot to school.
You're so slow it takes you an hour and a half to watch "Sixty Minutes."
You're so small, you pose for trophies.
You're so stupid you threw a rock at the ground and missed.
You're so stupid you trip over the cord of a cellular phone!
You're so ugly when you went to a haunted house they offered you a job.
You're so ugly you almost look like your mother.
You're so ugly you have to trick or treat over the phone.
You're so ugly you make blind kids cry.
You're so ugly your husband goes everywhere alone.
You're so ugly your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes so he doesn't have to kiss you bye.
You're so ugly, when you walk into taco bell, EVERYONE runs for the border!
You're very smart. You have brains you never used.
You've got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.
You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.

ONE LOVE

One Love

As you stray your hands

All the way through my light hair

One simple touch of your hand

Makes my body shiver everywhere.

The way you hold me so closely

Into the deep, starry, black sky

With each touch of your hands

Makes my body feel free to fly.

Looking a little bit deeper

You see the shade of my eyes

You know all of my fears

You know how many times I have cried.

It all seems perfect

But it's not as good as it seems

I can't have her ever because

This love was only a dream.

A NIGHTMARE

TALK ABOUT DREAMS BUT I AM A NIGHTMARE LOVIN GUY
THIS IS ONE I DREAMT ABOUT 2 YRS AGO ITS SIMPLE NO FLOWERY LINGO USED JUST TELL ME HOWZ IT HERE IT GOES!!!!!!!!ITZ FUNNY AND VAGUE BUT.......LOL


I WENT FOR A SURVEY TO A GRAVEYARD NEAR MY HOUSE AND AFTER FEW MOMENTS MY HOUSE WAS COVERED WITH VINES, THERE WERE SANKES ALL OVER AND ZOMBIES , FLESH EATING MORONS EVERYWHERE. THEY SCRATCHED AND ATE MY FLESH I DIED. BUT DUNNO WAS REBORN AND APPEARED OUT OF MY DOOR. MY FAMILY DIED THERE WAS NOONE LEFT. I FOUND A FLAMETHROWER AND KICKED THE ZOMBIE'S SORRY BUTTZ.THEN I WAS CAUGHT BETWEEN THE VINES AND THEY WERE POISONOUS THE SANKES TOXICATED ME TO DEATH. I WAS RESURRECTED AGAIN(IT CAN HAPPEN IN DREAMS)AND ONE DAY WENT AWAY I WAS THINKING OF A WAY TO STOP THE MENACE BUT TO NO AVAIL. THEN I WENT TO MY BALCONY AND THERE WAS A GIRL DANCING AT THE GROUND FLOOR. I SCOLDED HER FROM WHERE IN THE BLAZING HELL DID U GET THE PERMISSON TO COME HERE AND SHE WAS ARROGANT AND I SLAPPED HER....AFTER THAT I FOUND A TIME MACHINE WENT IN THE FUTURE AND SAW EVERYTHING IN RUINS. I MET AN OLD MAN HE SOUNDED FAMILIAR AND i ASKED HIM WHAT IS GOING ON HE TOLD ME THAT UNDEAD CREATURES CAUSED HAVOC WTH THE HEAVENLY HELLFIRE EVERYWHERE SO HE GAVE ME A WEAPON AND SAID TO USE IT AGAINST THE DEMON
"go to the past and kill that moron",He said in the future he is at heights of his evil powers'
I BELIEVED IN WAT HE SAID AND FOUND THAT THE OLD MAN WAS MYSELF IN THE FUTURE
I TOOK THE TIME MACHINE AND WENT IN THE PAST! IT WAS SO GOOD ALL GREEN AND LUSHY PLAINS BUT SUDDENLY THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE AND THE TECTONIC PLATES SHATTERED TO THE WOES. A HUGE CASTEL POPPED OUT OUTTA THE GROUND AND WITH THE MARK OF THAT EVIL MORONIC NIMROD..I FOUGHT WITH THE GUARDIANS OF DESTRUCTION AND OTHER ENEMIES...WITH TOO MUCH DIFFICULTY SNEAKED IN THE CASTLE AND WAS SPYING ON THE EVIL GOD "UNHUMANE NAZKOOL". HE WAS PLANNING A COUP AT EARTH TO CAUSE DESTRUCTION, SUFFERING AND PAIN...... I COULDNT BEAR IT! I CONFRONTED HIM AND CHALLANGED HIM FOR A ROUND OF MOCKERY FIGHT.. OFCUZ IN THAT I WON!GAVE THE DEVIL A GOOD TIME INSULTING HIM...HE WAS REALLY PISSED OFF AND HE CHALLENGED ME TO A ROUND OF SWORD FIGHT...HELL I AM NO PRINCE OR A SWORDMASTER SO ULTIMATELY I WAS DROWNED IN MY PRIDE AND I LOST. I WAS ALL BATTERED WEAK BUT THE ONLY THING LEFT IN ME WAS "WILL".HE SENT HIS MINIONS AGAINST ME THE EVIL ICE PRINCESS BUT I USED MY SOPHISTICATED FLAME THROWER AGAINST HER AND SHE DIED INSTANTLY(RATHER MELTED)..I WENT AFTER THE DEVIL FOUND HIM. HE SAID "fool u are no match for me U cant beat me, U cant stop me, Drown in the pool of ur own blood and taste the agony that is dancing on ur lips"
I LAUGHED AND TOLD HIM "is that the Quiver of agony and fear i see on ur rotten lips, i will swing my sword for the final time like a sheesh kabab around your neck".HE SAID "I got muscle in places noone has ever heard of", I REPLIED" Too bad none of them is in your arms", He SAID "I AM ALMIGHTY MY POWER HAS NO HEIGHTS EVEN MY 190 YR GRANDMOTHER CAN DEFEAT YOU" I rePLIED " But i think me and your grandmother have better bladder control than you", HE SAID "For the first time in my life i have seen a creature so ugly", I REPLIED " I am afraid you never had a gaze on your corpsy Wife"...............THIS WENT ON
.. HE WAS SO ANGRY HE TOOK OUT HIS EVIL SABRE TRIED TO SLICE ME BUT I DODGED, I TOOK OUT THE HOLY SWORD AND STABBED HIM...I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD BUT HE TOOK A HIDEOUS FORM OF A DISGUSTING CREATURE AND THRASHED ME. I LOST HOLD OF THE SWORD AND IT SLIPPED OUTTA MY HANDS....I WAITED FOR DEATH AS DARKNESS CAME WITH ALL ITS MIGHT INTO MY EYES.........I LOST ALL HOPE AND HE THREW ME ON GROUND THINKING I WAS DEAD....I WAS NEARLY LIFELESS BUT I MANAGED TO REACH FOR THE SWORD BUT..........HE NOTICED ME
IT ALL HAPPENED IN A LIGHTENING FLASH AND I COULD SEE BLOOD EVERYWHERE .I THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT THE CREATURE WAS DEAD BUT LATER REALIZED THAT I BATHE IN MY OWN BLOOD........JUST NOW I AM LIFELESS WAITING FOR SOMEONEZ HELP THOUGH I KNOW NOONE WILL COME, I FAILED IN MY DUTY AND YET PROMISED MYSELF TO DEFEAT THE FOE, FOR NOW I AM JUST WAITING FOR THE SLEEP POWDER OF DEATH TO MAKE ME DROWSY AND TO TAKE My SOUL TO HELL/HEAVEN................................................................................................ WELL EVERYTHING DOESNT GO WITH AN EPILOGUE OF HAPPY ENDINGS AND ESPECIALLY THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SALINE

SALINE

Cast off from the dock of reality
into the sea of abandon.
Past the vast alluvial pains of oncore,
no anchor.
"Anchor, anchor!" I scream.
Pitch and roll.
Hee, hee, and yaw.
Fine loud slaps of the wind.
Rudder askew.
A wake. Awake. A wake.
Seaweek slick.
Vast kelpbeds slither across the ceiling.
Surrounded, tugged, drowningthen back to the surface.
Hee and yaw.

It has been many years
since I have been to sea,
and still I dream of heading out to feel
the great saline solution.

The Child In her

The Child In Her

I loved the child in her

so innocent and sweet

The mischief in her eyes

the blush upon her cheek

The tender way she spoke

that showed me that she cared

The touch of her warm hand

that gently touched my hair

The smiles that we shared

that filled my life with glee

For when I was with her

I found the child in me

GOD's Gift

darn me another !creepy poem(Ewww...Gross)but nywyz its worth a watch so wat r u waitin for just take a gaze and dont curse or abuse me for this unworthy haze

God's Gift

He never wields a razor never bothers with foam or hot towels,

his 'tache is disguising a weak upper lipand his beards hiding pimples and jowls.

His stomach is grossly distended tho' he can just about see his feet,

he balances mirrors upon his toes to admire his 'three piece suite'.

He thinks he's 'Gods gift' to women who're begging to be fondled and kissed, needless to mention,

to want his attentionyou'd have to be 'Brahms and Liszt'.

He enjoys sneaking up on women who are bending to reach the low shelves,

the lucky ones hear him coming and automatically brace themselves.

It's not heavy breathing that alerts his prey nor the sound of his feet as they land,

it's his excited heart audibly beating like the bass of a 'heavy rock' band.

This bloke seems obsessed with Viagra I think his libido is low,

but he must remember, both he and his members are approaching the 'Big Five'O'.

He's started to ridicule women one was nude, on all 4's on his mat

when he told his dog, "Prince, if you don't eat your mince,you're gonna look just like that.

He's offered girls lifts home from parties suggesting 'a bit of the other',

but most decline, they'd rather spend timewith Norman Bates .. and his 'mother'.

A GUY'S JOB

hehe no offence just sheer amusement nthng else

A Guy's Job

A guy sticks his location,
In a girl's destinstion,
To increase the population,
For the next generation.
Do you get my explanation?
Or do you need a demonstration?

A poem just an attempt

Twenty-Six

Twenty-six is undeterred by being.

Whatever is will soon be merely was.

Each moment is a fluid shaped by will,

Neither moving on nor standing still,

Tide against the rock of what one does,

Yielding to the substance of one's seeing.
Such speculation one might well find freeing,

Images of time that hope instill,

Xeroxes of self as uncaused cause.

PROLOGUE

Once Upon a time in LalaLand............And they lived happily ever after
This is how stories, fictions and plots are made and they end up like this!
However Life has a different phase it doesnt lead to such sweet snazzy Endings

Life is tough Hell I am tough and Should be
Mebbe these days am Pretty Jobless so thought why not to do something creative which others can appreciate if i am worthy of appreciation and am sure i am!

Live and Let Live tat mite be the motto but today Live and KILL OTHERS tatz the catch

Through This Blog I will try to Express my views Wat i think and wat u think , u are most welcome to post ur Comments may it be in favour or against

Enough Blabbering lemme tell You bout myself

Am Vipul , 19, From Delhi, INDIA
I am a very creative person master in my own ways
Maybe sometimes a dreamer I like people who arent pakao(For Hellz Sake who like those goofed up freaks)
One thing for sure mez a kewl dude and i like this circulation of cold A/C air around my head to keep muhself kewl or if someone messes hez in real deepshit( uff no swarein lol...)

Nywyz i like to Communicate with people make friends be in get together
Maybe am a bit Metrosexual hehehe who isnt these days nywyz

TATZ ALL FOLKS THERE ISNT ANYMORE (about me)

The blog keeps going on and on and On....................

AND YO I THINK THE BLOG'S NAME IS DAMN SEXY NYWYZ ! Watsay You!
Sparkle ur life with glitters of gold and heavenly pleasures(XXX hehe) The rainbows of colours that give a new hope in life the light of New Hope to excel and to fulfil our Desires(........)

heh and sure Life is Spicey full of hot THINGS(Refer em to things eh?Chics?lol)
Sure Spice ur life Spice urself

I ROCK AND SO DO U

VIPUL OVER AND OUT !!!